Rollercoaster Living

One day my life is great, the next I'm having a panic attack and feeling like I've lost control of my life. I guess I don't have such a great handle on the "quarter-life crisis" like I thought. Yesterday I was crying so much that the bags under my eyes got so sore that I couldn't even wear make-up today. Why am I letting my life spiral out of control, you may wonder? Well I'm here to tell you that it's not my fault and that when things go wrong, it really does seem like everything goes wrong.

When I last posted I had just moved to Pittsburgh with Boyfriend. Fine, good, no problems with that. I even managed to almost fix my teaching license problems! I got ETS to resend my Praxis scores and I managed to find a place open on Black Friday where I could be fingerprinted for the background check I was missing. Only problem now is that Ohio has yet to let me know if they have received either of these things and what is happening with my application. I'll probably have to end up calling them next week...

Onto the frustrations: You know how I was getting excited about going running and how I was getting better? Well now I'm just getting worse! Thanks cold weather and lungs/vocal chords that don't want to work properly! I really enjoy looking like I'm having an asthma attack and getting lightheaded earlier and earlier on my runs!

Finally, why was I having a panic attack yesterday and crying so much? Well as if I wasn't broke enough already, it looks like I'm going to have to buy a new car over winter break! There goes all of my savings and stocks! I'm really excited to have actually $0... NOT. But basically, my car has been leaking coolant for the past year which is not fixed but my temperature gauge no longer works and there is a mystery problem that may or may not be the car's computer dying but which causes the engine to randomly cut out (luckily it got me from MD to Pitt before cutting out yesterday... in the middle of a street...). So my car is going into the shop tomorrow and I'll either fix it if the fix is less than $500 so that I can get the trade in value of $1000 or I'll leave it and hopefully get a trade in of around $500. Either way, I need a new car because I cannot continue to drive my death-trap of a vehicle any more. Plus side is that it looks like I might be able to buy a NEW Fiat 500 with the money that I have to spend. Which, if you don't know, looks like this:


Not too shabby, right?

I Moved!

So in the past week I have completed Student teaching, submitted my EdTPA assessment, applied for my teaching license, had my application put on hold, and moved to Pittsburgh.

First of all I find it both strange and sad that student teaching is over. Being done means that my college years really are behind me and that I have to be a real adult now with a real job. I'm no longer just training and becoming qualified for the career I've chosen, it's time to actually apply and be an actual teacher. It all just feels so strange yet at the same time I am really excited about seeing what's next in my life. I'm ready to roll with the punches and just figure out my life as it's happening. It's now time for doing, not planning.


Second, I'm so incredibly frustrated with institutions making things so much more difficult than they need to be. Like I said before, my application for licensure was put on hold because apparently background checks don't actually last the full four years they are meant to and people within large institutions are not efficient communicators. Meaning that someone lost my Praxis scores, I was told I could fax my score report, then someone else said that was unacceptable, and finally the people at Praxis were angels and resent my scores for me. So, overall, things are working out and I'm less frustrated but at the same time, things should not have to be this difficult.

Lastly, on the fun part of my life. I moved to Pittsburgh! I moved in with Boyfriend in his tiny apartment and although it's basically a glorified dorm room, I'm still so excited to be here! He seems happy to have me here too and I know it's not just because his apartment is much cleaner and neater and I like to cook. All I need now is to find a job, hopefully subbing, until the Museum lets me know my schedule for 2014.

Hopefully I'll be better at blogging now that my life is slightly less crazy and stressful. Also its been snowing here and I still went running today!

BUSY

I am so busy that my head hurts.

I hate that sometimes everything in life can all just seem so overwhelming and like it's all piling up on you all at the same time. Even though I know that if only I can just push through and conquer the work and stress that everything will be better, all I really want to do right now is curl up in a ball and eat some ice cream. Good thing I don't have any ice cream, otherwise I might never get anything done. Plus I have a hard time digesting dairy so ice cream just never works out well.

School has been crazy lately, from bleeding students to having to film my lessons as part of an assessment on my teaching abilities. I just haven't really had time to just relax. And I mean really relax, like not worrying about everything I have to do constantly. I wouldn't be so stressed about school if it wasn't for this assessment thing anyways. I really like teaching, I just want to be able to do it and not write fifteen essays about every tiny detail that anyone who has ever philosophized about education has thought about. It's kind of ridiculous how much they expect, especially with the filming, the classroom climate is not going to be the same as normal and neither will my or my students' behavior. What do they want from me!?

On a good note, I conquered TWO MILES! Unfortunately I also discovered that my lungs/vocal chords do not allow me to run the same outside as they do inside. So now that I can do 2 miles on the treadmill, I'm going to try running outside more because I can't run a 5k on a treadmill. I hate that running outside makes me almost blackout right now :( My Dad thinks that maybe I should go back to the lung doctor, or whatever they're called, so that I can get re-tested for asthma. Maybe I do need an inhaler and it's not just my vocal chords getting stressed out. Also running outside in the autumn weather/chilly air really hurts. It pretty much feels like someone is stabbing my lungs whenever I breathe in. I really hope I don't have asthma.

Sorry this post was really disjointed and probably didn't make any sense. I'll try to be a better blogger next time.

How My Life Got Flip-Turned Upside-Down

So once again, I am the worst. I am so bad at blogging. Sorry.

However, in my defense, I have been really busy! I have officially finished half of my student teaching and I aced my midterm evaluation! I have also been pretty sick so that also took over my life for a bit. But that is not the crazy pat of my life that I need to work out and tell you all about in this post.

My original plan for this winter was simple; there was no plan. If anything I was just going to plan my volunteer trip to go teach English in a developing nation. I didn't even know how much time I would spend in Pittsburgh versus Maryland. Also my only plan for Spring was to sometime go to a developing nation to teach English. However, all of my plans have now changed and I am being forced to plan everything up until summer. This is all happening because of a single email. ugh.

First things first, I will no longer be going to Thailand or Africa to teach English as a volunteer. Instead I will be in Pittsburgh for as much of winter and spring as possible since I received several opportunities to continue working at the Carnegie Museums in their education department. Not going to a developing nation and spending all of my money will allow me to actually spend my time making money and will allow for more smaller trips. Boyfriend and I are even thinking of going South for a little while this winter and I really want to go to Prague sometime in the summer either this year or next. After talking to my Dad as well I think that the CMNH will look even better on a resume than teaching English abroad. Now I just need to figure out where I will be and when this Winter so that I can create a work schedule. Trouble is Boyfriend doesn't know when his winter break is so I can't plan when we would go on our trip. My brain is just spazzing out this week and I know it doesn't look so complicated when I write everything down like this but coming to this decision and starting to plan my life has been scary and confusing. Yet at the same time I am excited about actually having a plan and having an income!

Other notable things in my life: Running is going well and I think I'm starting to notice a difference in my body. At least I looked in the mirror today and actually liked the look of my legs. Student teaching is obviously going well but that will also get a lot more stressful soon as I start my TPA which is where I have to video tape myself teaching to prove to the state that I can actually teach and I don't just take tests well.

Hopefully I'll post more frequently from now on. I'll try not to be too horrible at it at least.

I'm the Worst.

Ok. I admit it. I am like the worst blogger in existence. It has taken me THREE WEEKS to write this post and I have no excuse. Literally I've just been watching Netflix and shit. However, I have also been keeping up with my running schedule and I've been grading a lot more papers.

Student Teaching update: So I'm really happy with how everything is going so far. I have taken over two out of four classes and maybe over the next week or so I will work up to taking over all four. The students seem to really like me and they don't think that I'm really old which is nice because sometimes I feel like a grumpy old lady talking about the "youths" and their crazy trends. On the topic of not being old though I have decided that my teaching wardrobe is still not as awesome as I want it to be. But that may be due to the fact that I feel like I have a stronger fall/winter wardrobe than a summer one and also Fashion Week is making me feel inadequate. I did take some pictures of my teaching outfits but I didn't like any of the pictures; either my outfit wasn't interesting enough or I wasn't happy about how I looked in the picture.

Healthy update: I have actually been going to the gym! This is a really great achievement for me since I am so bad at forcing myself to go. I think having a running schedule has been helping me to go as I don't want to get behind. I'm still working on the whole healthy diet part of my life but I haven't been buying any snack food and I think that has helped. Overall though, I am feeling really great and I even feel like I look like I have lost a few pounds which is good since I have not invited at least 10 lbs to my brothers wedding next summer. I really want to look great in the wedding photos so that I don't feel self-conscious about them and also so I feel confident on the day of. Being best man is stressful and I only want to worry about how funny my speech is, not how I look in my dress!

Life update: Over Labor Day weekend I went to visit boyfriend in Pittsburgh! It was really great. He even took me to the absolute best fancy little Italian restaurant. I literally felt like I had been transported back to Rome and it made me so happy and sad at the same time that I wanted to cry. Due to this emotion I have told boyfriend that at some point we will have to go on a trip to Italy. I may have already started planning out where we should go... But honestly, if I could live in Europe and travel to Italy at least once a year I think I would be really happy. And boyfriend isn't opposed to the idea of moving to Europe since they have lots of grant money for science where as grants are becoming much harder to get in America. On the subject of traveling though, I am thinking about going abroad to teach English in a developing nation for three months in the Winter/Spring. Right now I think the top contender is Thailand. It would be really amazing and look great on my teaching resume!

My newest thing to stress over: Where I'm going for Thanksgiving? Back to DC or stay in Ohio with boyfriend? Granted boyfriend hasn't invited me to Thanksgiving yet but he came to DC last year so I'm assuming I might get an invite to stay this year. I should probably just ask him about it but i don't want to stress him out too early either. And yes, I do realize that my decision process is completely chaotic and giving me anxiety over the smallest things for no good reason.

First Two Days of School and Other Thoughts

I am exhausted.

I have completed my first two days of student teaching now and it is crazy. I must be crazy for wanting to teach as my profession but aside from all of the crazy it has already shown to be extremely rewarding. I'm so happy that I am on my way to becoming a teacher and that I seem to have a great group of students for the next three months. Yet all of this is also forcing me to think about the future. Am I ready to be a teacher? On my own? It's a really scary concept. Basically, once student teaching is over I will be a proper adult, with a real job and everything. It makes my head spin. It also makes me think about what I will be doing directly after finishing student teaching. Will I go back to Pittsburgh and move in with Boyfriend or do I go back to Maryland with my family and work until the holidays and then go back to Pittsburgh? So many options!

Some other things that I have been considering are running a Thanksgiving marathon with my Dad and posting my teacher fashion on here. I'll probably do the marathon; I even went to the gym today! (Gasp!) But for real, a marathon will be pretty good motivation for me to exercise more, and I definitely need to. Maybe I'll also log my weight successes and failures on here too. I've already lost a little weight since May but I want to lose quite a bit more. Especially since my brother's wedding is coming up next year and I need to not look like a whale in my dress/in the pictures. But back to teacher fashion. I think it's pretty difficult to look professional but still youthful (I'm only 22). I want to look chic and fun but most of the "professional" clothes I try on at the stores make me look like a stereotypical English boarding school headmistress and I am not down for that. But I think I have found some good pieces and combos and it might be fun to share them on here every week or so.

Still confused. :/

-Kate

First Post... Lame title, I know.

With this post I want to introduce this blog and myself. My name is Kate. I am a 22 year old college grad who has returned to my old college campus to complete my student teaching and thus become a certified middle/high school teacher. So why am I starting this blog?

I feel like I am living in limbo and trying to avoid a quarter-life crisis.

Despite having a college degree and being on track to be certified for a great career, I feel like my life is in shambles. School starts on Monday and I finish mid-November. Where am I going to go in three months? Where am I going to live? What am I going to do with my life? How will I get money? All of these questions and more have been driving me crazy and I just need a place to organize my thoughts let alone my life. Therefore I decided to write this blog and name it after one of my favorite books, Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. My hope is that writing about my life in such a public space will inspire me to live a more adventurous life as well as get my shit together because both things really need to happen.